This morning I went to the clinic with my husband, but he had to leave for work before it was my turn to go in to one of my appointments.
In Ukraine, there is no appointment system at the doctor office, you just show up when they are working and wait in line. Sometimes you wait for hours just to see the doctor for a few minutes. For pregnancy, women need to see many doctors and get many tests done, and this is overwhelming for Ukrainian women, so imagine how I feel...American, don't speak Russian/Ukrainian, and don;t understand the culture fully.
So this morning I had to wait for about 30 minutes for the doctor, and meanwhile about 10 people come up to me and start asking questions in Russian or Ukrainian and I can't understand anything these people are saying to me. I get this look of confusion on my face, and sometimes I can't manage to say anything at all.
Finally it was my turn to go in to the doctor, and I was able to get my husband on the phone to talk with the doctor. I was only in the office for about 1 minute and the left again. I had the option of going to another office to draw blood, but I didn't have the strength or courage to wait in line again and go through all the confusion.
It was incredibly hard, but everything worked out and thankfully that doctor wasn't mean or rude to me (sometimes it happens). So I praise God for that, but I just realize more and more how much I need to know Russian/Ukrainian, and it is currently next to impossible for me to take the time to study seriously. ( I work, have ministry and other responsibilities that take all my time)
I am still struggling emotionally and spiritually sometimes to get past the fact that I don't understand people most of the time. I know I need to trust and hope in God, but it's sometimes very difficult.
Some of my family members in America, and friends, struggle with depression and loneliness. I understand what they are going through now that I'm in an environment where most of the time I have almost no communication with anyone all day except for my husband and some of the kids I work with.
When I first moved to Ukraine I felt extremely lonely, and I felt that no one understood what I was going through here. I realized that Satan was using, and still is, these circumstances to lie to me and make me believe I'm alone. 1 Peter 5:8 says "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Since that time, I have started to fight back against my despondency and hopelessness with the truths of God and the Bible. The foremost truth that I believe is that my God will never leave or forsake me. The psalms are filled with this truth. This morning at the clinic, I read Psalm 139:7-12
"Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!If I take the wings of the morningand dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,even there your hand shall lead me,and your right hand shall hold me.If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,and the light about me be night,"even the darkness is not dark to you;the night is bright as the day,for darkness is as light with you."
There are many other passages I can think of that talk of God's constant presence in the believer's life, but this one has captured my heart and mind for today.
I hope that if you feel lonely, despondent, depressed or hopeless that you will read these words for the psalms and know that you are not alone in your struggle. Even if every person on the earth abandoned you (which is unlikely for most of us) God will still be there, and He is more than enough for our souls! It took me a long time to realize this truth...that when I feel completely alone in this world and I have nothing earthly to hope in (ex: culture and language skills) God is the one who cares for my needs no matter what circumstances I'm in, and His love never fails me.
