This past Friday and Saturday I participated and helped with the Almaz church conference on how to care for children and people with special needs. The greatest thing I learned at this conference wasn't about how to help a child develop more, or how to improve their quality of life. Rather, I learned first hand, and from the preaching from one of that pastors about how I, too, am like a special needs child in God's eyes.
In reality, in comparison to God's greatness, holiness and purity, we are all done here on the earth completely helpless and completely in need of God to save us from our destruction (due to sin). Just like a child who is trapped in their body, unable to communicate with others or help themselves, I am unable to help myself without God. Sure, I may think that I can help myself to do anything I want since I am physically healthy and able, but spiritually, I am depraved and trapped without my God.
Basically, compared to God, we all have disabilities.
One story really struck me. A woman with cerebral palsy could not communicate until one day a speech therapy student came to her. While asking her questions, the student realized that when the woman moved her eyes up, it meant yes, and when her eyes looked down it meant no. This small little detail in the woman's communication opened up the door for her to communicate with the outside world. Later it was discovered that this woman had a very high IQ (she was a genius) but she was previously trapped in her body, unable to communicate. She might have been stuck in her body her whole life if it hadn't been for God's mercy in her life. The speaker said that later she went on to write a book titled "I raise my eyes to say yes"
In that moment, I realized something: I feel just like that woman right now.
I realized that my language barrier here in Ukraine is greater than I expected and I feel trapped inside my body sometimes. Now of course I can use gestures and try to use the few words and phrases I do know to convey my point to people, but sometimes it can be really frustrating.
Most of the time my frustration passes pretty quickly because I realize with God, I can do all things, and because of His care over my life I have nothing to worry or be frustrated about. However, on Saturday at the conference, this didn't happen.
I was helping to pour lemonade to prepare for when people would come in to get lunch. First, I couldn't understand what I was supposed to do, until some English speaking Ukrainian helped me find my task. Then it was easy, just pour lemonade and hand it out to people. But actually, it wasn't so easy. People started coming in about 15 minutes later and taking food and drink and almost every minute someone asked me a question and all I could say was: "I don't know" or "I don't understand" or "Eta Lemonade" (It's lemonade) hoping that they would know that I didn't understand them. I almost lost it right then and there, amidst the chaos and people and so many questions in a language I don't yet understand. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, so I paused for a moment and prayed for strength to carry on and be joyful.
Just then, my best friend on the earth came in and asked me to join him for lunch. He immediately could tell something was wrong, so he asked me to stop what I was doing and just follow him. Things had slowed down then, and I wasn't needed anymore, so I followed him. He brought me food and drink, we quickly ate, and then found a quiet place to sit and talk. He asked me "What do you think God wants you to do now?" I knew, but I couldn't vocalize anything at the time because of my emotions, so I just shook my head. He told me, you need to trust God in these situations, and not become frustrated by the language here. God had made it very clear that you are supposed to be here to serve Him, and He will equip you with every tool you need, including language. It will take some time, but God will help you, and He will be your strength."
We prayed for about 10 minutes and my joy came back to me almost instantly. I have not felt so uplifted in so long. I felt my spirit refreshed again and ready to go back out into the strange world I now live in.
People constantly ask me, "How are you doing now that you live in Ukraine?"
I will say to them "Life is different and sometimes hard here, but it's the best place for me to be because I'm doing God's will for my life and that glorifies Him"
Some scripture I have specifically thought of this weekend:
In a difficult situation when I need to be reminded of the good plans God has for me:
- Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
When I am tired from this hard life:
- Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
When I am in need of help:
- Psalm 54:4 "Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me."
- Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
- Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."
I didn't realize until I actually moved here and all my American friends left, how much I could struggle here. However, I don't have to struggle. God has given me open arms to fall into to rescue me from the burden of a heavy heart, frustrations and worries I may face here in Ukraine. I choose to give them to Him and let Him control my life.
May glory be to God forever and ever, Amen.
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